Magnifisyncopathological

On the evening of May 26, 2005, I drove the car my parents bought me to the streets behind the Wendy's sandwiched between Sixth and 7th Streets on the northbound side of IH-35. I was headed downtown for a live music show and, not wanting to pay $5 to park under the interstate, I turned left off 7th St. to look for an empty spot along the curb. There were openings on the right side, but I wanted to park and get moving, not spend a minute parallel parking into the available spaces. The left side faced into oncoming traffic on this two-way street and had more space to use. I took advantage of it. There were no "no parking" signs in the area I picked.

Without hitting, hurting, molesting, destroying, or in any way negatively impacting a single human or any individual's property, I drove straight over to the open space along the left hand curb and parked my car on the south-facing side of Brushy Street.

I came back later that night and found a Parking Violation Notice under a windshield wiper. My evening's happy momentum ended and I stared at the paper for a minute before touching it. Officer Watkins had issued me Notice #2355727 at 9:35pm. I was in violation of something: Left Wheel to Curb (00422). I was given until June 8th "to contest this citation before a Hearing Officer." Written elsewhere on the ticket:

To Vehicle Owner or Driver: Failure to pay fine or appear at the Municipal Court on or before the scheduled civil hearing date is an admission of liability of the parking violation charge and will result in fines and costs an [sic] may result n [sic] this vehicle being booted/towed.

By sitting on my ass these last two weeks, I am doing the same thing I would have done if I took the time out of my workday to drive downtown and tell some city agent I was "guilty," "liable," or whatever. Does that make sense? It's like some asshole bureaucrat, after gorging himself on social contract theory, thought up the perfect way to fine citizens for breaking those important for-the-orderly-operation-of-society laws that are broken hundreds of times a day, every day.

(BureauBot): "If the people just ignore us, we need some way to ensure compliance, short of sending a cop to every offender's house. Heh. Shit, well obviously, if they avoid showing up to face justice, they're freaking guilty. I'd show up in court if I was charged with something, because that's how these things ought to be decided."

(BureauBot 2): "If you think about it, the decision has already been made."

(BureauBot): "How's that?"

(BureauBot 2): Well, they've chosen to stay here within the jurisdiction of the law. That means they've accepted it's power, legitimacy, and employment. If they didn't, they'd leave. Therefore, they've long since decided to subject themselves to the laws of this government. If they refuse to show up, they're not only guilty of their crime, but they're also evading the law."

(BureauBot): "Quick! Let's set the fines!"

The City of Austin wants me to pay $20 for my transgression, the "Early Fine." If I wait past the Scheduled Civil Hearing Date, the "Standard Fine" of $40 applies. Also in this $20/$40 category are:

• Over 18" From Curb (00423)
  
• Loading Zone (00424)
  
• Within 20" of Crosswalk (00429)
  
• On Sidewalk Area (41233)
  
• No Parking Area (0433)
  
• Blocking Crosswalk (00435)
  
• Blocking Alley (00437)
  
• Blocking Driveway (00438)
  
• Extend Time Beyond Legal Limit (00436)
  
• Parking Within an Intersection (00415)
  
• Comm. Service Zone - No Markings (41240)
  
• Comm. Service Zone - Over 30 Minutes (41241)
  
• Parked Facing Traffic (41213)
  
• Over Stall Line or Yellow "x" (41212)
  
• Parking in a Front or Side Yard (41234)
  
• Other (00439)

Anyway, today is technically the deadline for my early fine payment. The citation does not mention what happens if you simply act like the notice never crossed your eyes. I assume that given their eagerness to jump to conclusions about people who don't do what they want, they'll probably multiply the fines over time. At some point, months later, I assume a warrant will be issued for my arrest for gross avoidance of parking fines. I doubt Austin police drive around and call in license plate numbers as they see them, hunting for "bad guys." I'm pretty certain plate checks happen mostly when the cop is pulling you over for some moving violation. I do know warrants get mailed to your last known address, and my driver's license points to my house. This is almost what happened to a good friend of mine. He was able to take care of the warrant (for expired registration/inspection) before getting arrested, but he got the warrant notice in the mail, castrating his automotive utility until he pacified the administrators.

Here is what I think is the relevant portion of the city's law:

§ 12-5-60 FAILURE TO ANSWER A PARKING CITATION OR APPEAR AT A HEARING.

1. (A) If a vehicle owner or operator answers a parking violation charge on or before the 20th calendar day after the date of issuance of the parking citation or appears at the scheduled hearing, a reduced fine shall be assessed in accordance with Section 12-5-89 (Civil Fines, Costs, and Fees).
   
2. (B) A person charged with a parking violation is liable for the parking violation and the civil fines, costs, and fees assessed by the hearing officer if the person:
   
   1. (1) fails to answer the charge on or before the 20th calendar day after the date the parking citation is issued; or
      
   2. (2) fails to attend a scheduled hearing, including a hearing on appeal, when the person is required to appear.

Source: 1992 Code Section 16-5-79; Ord. 031204-13; Ord. 031211-11.

§ 12-5-61 ENFORCEMENT OF ORDER.

1. If a person is liable for parking violations and has not paid when due the fines, costs, and fees assessed for the violations, the fines, costs, and fees assessed for the violations may be enforced by:
2. (1) impounding the vehicle that is the subject of the order if the person charged has accumulated three or more unpaid parking violations in a calendar year;
3. (2) placing a device that prohibits movement of a motor vehicle on the vehicle that is subject to the order filed if the person charged has accumulated three or more unpaid parking violations;
4. (3) imposing an additional fine to the civil fine not paid within the designated period; or
5. (4) refusing the registration of a vehicle that is the subject of the unpaid violations as provided by Section 502.185 (Refusal to Register Vehicle in Certain Counties) of the Texas Transportation Code.

Source: 1992 Code Section 16-5-80; Ord. 031204-13; Ord. 031211-11.

So, assuming I just ignored these people and went on with my life, I could expect my next encounter with the cops to be unpleasant. I could just write the check and hand it over. It would be a de facto ransoming of my future liberty for a portion of my current wealth, a payment made in order to keep them from immobilizing the Golf.

Of course, they see it much differently than I do. I've committed a crime against the city, not against anyone in particular. I owe the city compensation for my act and should accept it as a punishment for wrongdoing. Without this regulation, there would be idiots parking on the wrong side of roads all over the city. That simply cannot be allowed. People might get into accidents, get hurt.

Never mind that I, myself, personally, have inflicted harm on no one by parking with my left tire to the curb. I have done no actual, demonstrable harm. I might have temporarily confused a few drivers as they cruised by, wondering why the white VW Golf was pointed in a direction opposite of the other cars on that side of the road. One might have even crashed, he was so distracted with my abnormality. However, wouldn't that be his fault? Prosecuting those who talk on cell phones while driving is a political reality and it sends the opposite message to the public: individuals are directly responsible for their actions. Of course, this is true, but by punishing anyone talking on a phone, you impose costs both material and illiberal on those who have done nothing to deserve it.

It may seem contradictory or strange to some of you that I wouldn't be so unhappy about this state of things if a private individual owned that part of the road and made it known to people who park there that if they don't have permission, they should expect to get a bill in the mail. That, I could respect because there is a direct connection between me using another's property without the owner's permission. I don't think governments are legitimate property owners, so that removes any remaining justification along the lines of collective ownership and administration. But the $20/$40/+ for my situation? It goes into the revenue of the City. it doesn't compensate anyone for harm inflicted. It doesn't provide restitution for a rights violation. It doesn't serve as effective retribution for an immoral or intentionally harmful act. And beyond a person's ability to pay and present him- or herself, the kind of annoyance I feel right now, and the prospect of an extended run-in with the cops, any punishment I experience will be quite marginal and won't serve to "teach me a lesson."

This involves no justice, only revenue generation, a slap to the faces of people who have better things to worry about than the alignment of their cars when parked.

I already know what I'm going to do in response to this. I'm curious what you, reader, would do in this situation.

1. Pay the fine and continue on in life?
2. Contest the fine, paying it if you lose?
3. Ignore the fine and continue on in life?
4. Write a polite note explaining your refusal to comply and mail it back in the provided envelope?
5. The same as #4, but without the politeness?