Magnifisyncopathological

[Updates below.]

Dear "Daren Downs" and "Patrick Ventura":

Mr. Downs, when attempting to sell or promote a product, it is best advisable to present your product in a manner agreeable with the largest number of people in your intended audience. Your choice of the e-mail medium means that the subject line of your advertisement is of critical importance. In this day and age of rampant unsolicited bulk electronic spam, I know I speak for others when I say I manually filter my inbox largely according to the subject line of each e-mail.

So when I chanced upon your e-mail with the subject line, "THis will not involve conception of a child," you lost me as a customer.

This is not because I was offended by the suggestion that I am worried about fathering children. Nor did you lose my business because I was offended by the suggestion that you assumed I have been presented with offers to concieve with children. I took no offense in that manner.

No, what permanently lost me as a potential customer was the very dumbshit idea of someone picking that title in the first place. I spent the first few seconds internally amused at the stark stupidity of some stranger sending me an e-mail with that title. I spent the next few seconds annoyed with the miscapitalization. And I spent a few more seconds composing this post in response.

Furthermore, the text of the e-mail's body doesn't inspire me to believe you or whomever you work for has any concept of decent and effective marketing.

Attenzione!!

Materiale pornografico. La verit�FFFFE1 su Paris Hilton e Rick Salomon!

Imparate anche l'inglese

Gratisxxxxxx!

click here
http://adweawen.biz/ph/index_mailer.html [please don't visit the link; they don't need the encouragement]

rvrxdrc iukja mohvdyiczffqe aj fb
gibss i gunbdsvuyusp

Mr. Ventura, your message was a little bit better. The subject line of, "I'm sorry if you think this message is rude" actually worked on me, in the sense I thought it was a personal message written out to me for direct communicative interaction on some issue I may have commented upon.

I wasn't that surprised, however, when I discovered

Wank off while watching Paris Hilton's boyfriend
sucking on her tits and nipples.

click here
http://adweawen.biz/ph/index_mailer.html [again, please don't visit the link]

bxhhhoeogvdo skae f jj syi liyobe

Tsk tsk.

I've seen the Paris Hilton video. It ain't that great.

UPDATE 10/4/2004 8:23am
Beware of shock spam advertising.

UPDATED 7/23/2008 10:23am
More spammy-ness here.