Stupid Booze Laws!

[Updates below.]

Among other things...

Clark Kindrick would rather make the 45-minute drive to Arkansas for beer than drink the "watery'' low-point brew sold in Oklahoma.

Kindrick, who lives in Porum, also picks up a six-pack in Texas whenever he crosses the Red River for his manufacturing business.

"I stock up,'' he said. "It's a taste difference.''

Him and countless others have a simple desire. They want to drink the beer they like, when they like. Unfortunately, the Oklahoman government won't let them or the beer makers and distributors trade.

Kindrick is among the Oklahomans who find state laws about beer antiquated, confusing and downright annoying. But in the heart of the Bible Belt, there isn't much of a movement to change them _ at least not an outspoken one.

"They're throwbacks to the first 50 years of Oklahoma's life as a state when we were under prohibition,'' Attorney General Drew Edmondson said.

"I would assume that there is not a constituency for change and there is a constituency to keep things the way they are.''

According to the Oklahoma AG, it doesn't matter if a law is wrong, arbitrary, or impractical as long as "there isn't a constituency for change" and the constituency for the status quo outnumbers the latter. Pathetic. Justice and liberty no longer matter.

It's not just Oklahoma's faith-based roots that have kept prohibition-era laws on the books. Low-point beer distributors aren't interested in changing the laws because they would risk having to follow the more stringent ones imposed on liquor stores.

Oklahoma convenience and grocery stores cannot sell beer or wine coolers with more than 3.2 percent alcohol. Big-name domestic breweries, including Anheuser-Busch, Miller and Coors, brew lower-point beer for the Sooner State and five others. Colorado, Kansas, Missouri, Minnesota and Utah also sell 3.2 beer.

Liquor stores in Oklahoma can sell beer with higher alcohol content, but they have more rules to follow. For one, they have to sell beer at room temperature. Also, liquor stores are allowed to be open only from 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. Monday through Saturday.

That means there's no such thing as a last-minute run to get brandy or wine for a Sunday night meal.

Hamstrung by regulation and law, the beer companies choose self-abnegation over capitalistic enterprise. If they had the balls to fight this crap, I'd respect them more.

From my uninformed perspective, it seems these laws should be easy to fight, particularly the bit about no liquor sales on Sunday. Why? I'm pretty certain the answer has something to do with religion and it's followers. I'd assume imposing a law mostly on the basis of religious piety would be enough to abolish it. Then again, I have a lot of crazy thoughts.

I love the exact percentage. What threshold is crossed with beer ober 3.2% alcohol? Is that when the Devil takes you? Does drinking a Schlitz (4%+) turn you into a deviant? It's just so infuriatingly random and pointless to me.

Then there is the deliberate F.U. the law gives to those looking to buy stronger beer at liquor stores by forcing them to sell the stuff at room temperature. I'm beyond riposte towards this idea. It's just stupid. It's a freakin' roadbump in the way of enjoying strong beer. It merely delays the inevitable. If these bastards were honestly bothered with some beer-fueled crime wave or display of immorality, they'd just ban the shit and not give Oklahomans the chance to buy it. It is complete hypocrisy.

Some argue the beer sold in Oklahoma grocery stores isn't that much different from beer sold elsewhere.

Oklahoma low-point beer is 3.2 percent alcohol by weight and 4 percent alcohol by volume, according to an Anheuser-Busch spokesman. The company's regular brew is 4 percent alcohol by weight and 5 percent alcohol by volume, though actual percentages vary depending on the batch.

"I hereby decree that all citizens desiring to swim in this lake be required to undergo a full blood screening."

"What!?"

"You have a problem with this?"

"What the hell is the point? Why the intrusion of privacy, the violation of personal property?"

"Geez, it's not like we're telling everyone where they can swim."

"So it doesn't bother you at all that the state can just decide to force everyone who wants to swim here to submit to a blood sample?"

"I don't see your point."

"What if I just kick you right now?" *kicks*

"Hey! Ouch, you jerk!"

"See my point?"

"Ow, no...how does that relate to anything?"

"I give up."

"You buy a six-pack of Bud in Texas, you buy a seven-pack in Oklahoma for the same punch,'' said Oliver Delaney, president of the Oklahoma Malt Beverage Association.

Delaney is among those who don't want the law to change, at least not right now.

If Oklahoma stopped selling low-point beer, distributors might have to follow the strict rules imposed on liquor stores. They wouldn't be able to sell beer on Sundays, for starters.

"We have one of the most idyllic situations in the United States,'' Delaney said. "It looks like that's backward to some people, but 3.2 beer is in all 77 counties in the state. We have access to over 7,000 markets.''

Part of the problem is these spineless asses won't fight this bullshit. They've survived until now and things are going OK, so what's the problem? Ugh.

Big-name domestic brewers are allowed to sell beer with more than 3.2 percent alcohol in Oklahoma liquor stores, but they don't because of the state's franchise law.

Low-point beer distributors in Oklahoma become franchisees of the big-name brewers and must follow their standards regarding expiration dates, promotions and advertising. But Oklahoma does not allow franchising for liquor stores _ if brewers bring their product into Oklahoma, they have to sell it to anyone.

Oklahoma liquor stores sold big-name domestic beer until the late 1970s, when the brewers pulled their strong beer out of the state.

When Oklahoma became a state in 1907, its constitution said it would be dry. The state remained dry until after prohibition, when residents voted in the mid-1930s to allow nonintoxicating beverages _ or beer with no more than 3.2 percent alcohol _ as a way to get around the constitutional ban.

In 1959, voters passed a constitutional amendment allowing beer in excess of 3.2 to be sold in liquor stores.

It wasn't until 1985 that Oklahoma allowed counties to vote on so-called liquor by the drink. Before that, residents had to bring their own bottle of liquor to private clubs, where they paid a membership fee.

To this day, 37 counties do not allow liquor by the drink.

Archaic. Ancient. Antiquated. Antique. Bygone. Obsolete. Primitive.

Wrong.

Oklahoma isn't the only state with confusing beer laws.

In Texas, counties are allowed to vote wet or dry. In dry counties, there are no liquor stores and residents have to become card-holding members of clubs to drink in bars and restaurants.

Texas isn't much better. We can't buy liquor at grocery or convienience stores...and liquor stores close at 9pm.

Colorado laws are similar to Oklahoma's _ grocery stores cannot sell beer in excess of 3.2. But strong beers from Bud, Coors and Miller are available cold at liquor stores.

And in Utah, only low-point brew is sold in grocery and convenience stores. The state owns Utah's liquor stores, which don't sell Bud, Miller or Coors with regular alcohol content.

In some states, grocery stores aren't allowed to sell any alcohol.

That Utah one really burns my skin. I love how Colorado's hypocrisy is triply obvious.

Among hundreds of other examples, the laws the states and the feds have enacted against alcohol demonstrate the contempt their enactors and supporters hold towards individual responsibility, freedom, and the public.

UPDATE(10/3/2003 11:40am)
The Agitator has more on stupid Texas liquor laws.

UPDATE(5/28/2004 4:17pm)
Georgetown is worse that I thought (Austin-American Statesman link will rot):Since the repeal of Prohibition, everyone in this straight-laced city has assumed liquor stores weren't allowed near their cherished courthouse square.

Turns out, according to the Williamson County clerk's office, everyone was wrong.

When Michael Vickers opens his Austin Avenue liquor store, Vic's, near the banks of the San Gabriel River today, he'll be the first to take advantage of the county clerk's recent determination that it is legal to sell liquor and wine north of Texas 29. In the past, many business owners have assumed or been told it was not.

[...]

The county clerk's office has only recently completed its study of Williamson County's confusing liquor laws, prompted several years back when restaurants in Round Rock's La Frontera development started applying for liquor licenses. At the time, all County Clerk Nancy Rister had to go by was an old map shaded with colored pencils. Research into the county's past liquor elections ensued.

"To put it simply, a small portion of the county is dry and everything else is seven shades of wet," she said.

Most of those shades can be found in the Georgetown area, where overlapping regulations and various changes in county precinct lines over the years have created havoc for her office.

For instance, restaurants in the portion of Georgetown east of Interstate 35 and north of Texas 29 require customers to join a private club before they can serve them alcohol.

"Nobody really knows what's what," said Paul Davis, who handles most of the liquor permit requests that come before the county. "It's a complete mess."

Copyright 2001-2004 Cox Texas Newspapers, L.P. All rights reserved.

Unreal. Yet another reason why no government entity - federal all the way down to county - should have the right to outlaw or regulate alcohol.

Posted by Drizzten at September 07, 2003 05:27 AM