What to do when a situation presents itself as a Good Thing...but one glaring issue is amiss? No, that title above isn't a typo.

From Sunday through Tuesday, I was busy attending a public school conference in the Austin Marriott sponsored by the Texas Association of School Boards. Being an employee in the TASB Member Services division, I was enlisted (as I was last year) to be the A/V guy and set up the projectors and laptops for the presenters. The conference itself went well, but I had an experience Monday night which I think needs to be related.

I am currently single, and though these conferences are not good grounds to go "hunting" in, being a single male means I never leave the mindset of someone with their eyes always open for a new partner. So when we broke for the evening on Monday and were bussed to Buffalo Billiards to wind down and socialize, I reinforced my mindset, put a brave face on, and went in to see what fun could be had.

My direct co-workers, the ones who actually work in my area, were playing pool so I joined them in a few rounds. I wasn't expecting to play doubles, though, and after one partner bailed I needed another. To her credit (or not...), my boss coralled a lady from San Felipe Del Rio CISD and deputized her to be on my team. I had never seen this female before, nor talked to her on the phone (which is how I meet most school officials), but she was undoubtably one of the most attractive women I at the convention who didn't work for the Risk Management Fund.

We hit it off fairly quickly, in a sort of playful-adversarial sense. It may sound immodest, but I think I played some brilliant pool. But when I failed -and I did often- she'd be quick to give me some jibbing for it. All in good fun, of course, since I'd do the same to her. We played pool on the same team for several hours, long after the "official" party ended. By that time, we and a few other hardy individuals (including a female friend she brought along) had moved downstairs to order more drinks and finish off the remaining pool bugs in our system.

At this point in the night, it was past 11pm and we had started getting "huggy," for lack of a better term. Anyone who's experienced drunk girls at bars and clubs knows how this works: a girl eventually gravitates towards a guy (and vice versa!) over an evening and once that connection has been established, enough alcohol consumed, and a certain level of familiarity created two people just get kinda huggy during moments of excitement (in any other situation, these moments would be trivial). You hug when you do bad and hug when you do good. I don't know about her or anyone else, but that kind of intimacy is frighteningly absent in my life and I warm to it quickly.

So, after I drank eight pints and two tequila shots, I knew I had reached my limit for the night. Others, who had more than I, agreed around the same time, so we paid our bills and began the multi-block trek back to the hotel. Once Tina and I found ourselves outside of a pool-and-booze establishment, we starting talking about other things.

I don't know how, why, or exactly when, but she made a comment in a discussion firmly placing her as a devout Christian. The implication that I recieved from the comment was, "And you are...?"

...pause...

Over the last few years, I have undergone a fairly radical philosohpical transformation. I went from a relatively apathetic pseudo-conservative (thanks to my father) to a very strong supporter of capitalism and individual freedom. At no time during my younger years did I ever have a strong faith in religion and it's myriad forms. The older I became, the less I believed and the more skeptical I found myself. The final genesis being my now-total atheism.

But I had always remained tolerant of the beliefs of others, providing they didn't interfere with mine. I have a way of being able to engage vastly different viewpoints in a mostly dispassionate manner until I decide the person is no longer worth talking to due to their irrationality or idiocy. However, I not once ever thought I could take the path I'd take once I realized how strongly Tina believed in Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit and everything.

I was confronted with a choice I'd never had to face: do I try to spin the situation in order to make it as likely as possible for her and I to end up together at night...or do I remain truthful to my beliefs and see just how far hers go? Up until this point in time, it was entirely possible I may have had a very significant chance in "messing around" with this attractive and intelligent lady; yet the sheer passion she felt towards Christianity threw me off and frankly engaged the Cold Debator portion of my mind.

I decided to test her waters by repling that I was an atheist and considered the Bible a work of historical fiction. Well, after that, we didn't talk about anything BUT religion from then on. All the way back to the hotel we talked, each exchange digging our positions in further. By the time we had reached the hotel lobby and our group (which had dutifully seperated itself from us) sat down to rest, I felt a hard sinking feeling within that told me this lady was a lost cause.

I would ask a simple question and would get back a whole lotta mumbo-jumbo about not believing hard or openly enough, or how I failed to see the beauty of it all, or whatnot. She rarely addressed the substance of my points, which revolved around my opinion that basing your life off faith is a pointless exercise. Since all religion boils down to this very basic question, I wasn't going for an attack on Chrisitianity specifically, but spiritual belief as a whole. That probably didn't help things.

In the end, it was almost 1 in the morning and I had duties to attend to with the next day's activities, so I gave her a final, "I strongly doubt we'll ever come to terms on this" and attempted to leave. She wouldn't let me go, unless I allowed her to pray for my "eternal soul". It was very, very hard to remain polite at this point because I felt mildly insulted. I did consent in the end, though, mainly to experience the final confirmation of my inner fear. So, she did just that and prayed out loud for over eight minutes, tossing in every concievable Jesus cliché I could recall. She actually kneeled down in front of me while doing this, almost driving me to laughter. The display wasn't made any more digestible when I noticed the rest of our group had noticed and wasn't making any secret of it's disdain for her display.

I had been "prayed," to coin a term and useage. Caught off-guard by her staunch display of belief, she cornered me and prayed directly to her Gawd to save my soul. She was moved by my lack of faith to completely open the inner floodgates and pour forth every personal sermon and blessing she could summon.

Once she finished, we said our goodnights and I went to my room. Had I had enough time to think about it, I might have been angry with myself for passing up an opportunity to make out or more. But the regret I feel now is not strictly for the loss of sexual opportunity. I regret the state of her mind and ethical code far more. Near the end of her prayer I felt more pity for her than anything else. I simply could not understand someone who would accept religion and certainly not to the degree she had.

We ran into each other the next day. No animosity, no contraversy, and no comment about the events of the previous night. She knew and I knew what occured, but it was left unsaid. She invited me to eat lunch with her and her friend and I told her I would, but when I arrived a little late they were not to be found. Thus ends the story.

The impact is still there, but I do not regret the conclusion. I faced something that would have likely been very pleasing if I would have been willing to lie and lie dirty. I choose not to.

I wonder what she thinks of me now.