State of the Union Advice!

IMAO offers some suggestions

Via RightWingNews, this just needs to be posted again.

First thing's first, remember, it's not the content so much as the attitude. Don't have that fruity "Hail to the Chief" song playing when you enter, instead have the "Imperial March." Come in all stern-faced, and, to further show everyone you're a badass, head butt the first person who tries to shake your hand. Think of what evil dictators will say when they see that. "Holy crap! He broke that guy's nose for just trying to shake his hand. Think of what he'll do to me, an evil dictator!"

Start off with a great applause line, such as raising your fist in the air and shouting, "Our enemies must suffer!"

Terriffic opening power! Demonstrates his 110% resolve. Best SOTU advice I've ever heard.

"We should have a tax cut of epic proportions," you should say, "And most should go to the best Americans - the rich. Some may say this is unfair." You should then pause dramatically. "They will die!"

I was wrong! This is even better advice! No mercy to the tax appeasers!

Democrats may not applaud everything that is said. Whenever they don't seem to agree with a new proposed policy, point at them and scream, "Traitors!" This will make them uncomfortable with not applauding. One may voice protest at being labeled a traitor; if that happens, shout, "Rarrrr!" and charge at him while the VP and Speaker of the House try and hold you back. The Democrats should be pretty scared by then, and will probably clap politely at whatever you say.

Too right. The world needs more of the visceral, angry, outraged GWB.

Now say, "Some of our 'allies' will not support our plans of war, but I have one thing to say to them..." For this part, raise both fists in the air and scream as loud as possible, "DEATH!!!!" (you may need a voice coach to hit this just right)

This should be a huge applause line, even though it's not the most coherent thing ever said. If the Democrats don't give you a standing ovation, pull out a gun and shoot at their feet.

If Bush can be this heartless and cruel and demeaning to his democratically-elected opponents, imagine what he'd be like to his openly-declared, non-democratically-elected enemies!

Of course, he may eschew this and go straight for the throat by telling the world Iraq's time is up.

Posted by Drizzten at January 23, 2003 10:59 AM