The Hightower Retort 11/8/2002

I may make this a regular thing

Buy Organic, Buy Local

When 90 members of the Wampanoag tribe joined 50 Pilgrims for the first Thanksgiving back in 1621, they had a cornucopia of food. For three days, they feasted on venison, goose, turkey, eels, lobster, hoecakes, corn, cranberries, beer, wine ... and so much more. Yet, this abundance didn't require any chemical additives, genetic engineering, pesticides, antibiotics, growth hormones, or other weaponry of today's high-tech agribusiness industry. Those poor ignorant fools just didn't know how it should be done, I guess.

Yep.

Granted, they probably didn't have a population problem. No multi-millions of people all needing to be fed. And of course, I'm sure that their utter ignorance of genetic manipulation and selective trait agriculture might have had something to do with it. What Mr Hightower should be pondering is whether or not these people would have wanted food engineered to deliver a higher concentration of nutrients and vitamins (healthy), that can be more resistent to disease and insects (resilient), and which is able to be designed to increase harvest yields (bountiful). But, naw. It's much better that they stuck to their subsistence farming. It certainly didn't put any filthy lucre into some greedy, selfish, uncaring, aloof, white, rich, male, whatever.

There's a widespread back-to-the-future movement in our farm and food world, bringing some democratic control and common sense back to the food economy.

One sign of this is the surge in America's organic sales, now topping $10 billion annually and growing 20% per year.

Yeah, ain't a free market great? Oops! I forgot Mr. Hightower wasn't a proponent of such a radical anarchic system. Ha, silly me.

The Highway of Riches

Would you shell out $1.2 million for a one-bedroom home that has only 280 square feet in it?

OK, it's a luxurious 280 square feet. This house has designer interiors, plush furnishings, solid oak cabinets, a king-sized bed, a four-door refrigerator, whirlpool bath ... and so forth. But still, that's a lot of bucks for what's essentially a box that's 8-feet by 35-feet. The price tag works out to more than $4,000 per square foot, which is double the going rate of a penthouse apartment overlooking Central Park in New York City.

Yeah, but this apartment -- tiny as it is -- not only can overlook Central Park, but also the Grand Canyon, the Atlantic or Pacific Oceans, Mount Rushmore, or any other priceless location. That's because it's the latest thing in RVs: The super-luxurious supersized, I've-got-one-and-you-don't, mine-is-bigger-than-yours, recreational vehicle of the pampered set. Yes ... trailer trash has gone upscale!

If this isn't shameful class warfare, I don't know what is. Yeah! Let's show all the Little People how the Big People spend their money! Let's phrase the exposition in such a way as to try your fucking hardest to make people jealous, indignant, and cynical! Who cares if there is no actual arguement or point being made, other than "these guys have ridiculous amounts of disposable income...LOOK WHAT THEY SPEND IT ON! OMYGAWD!"

I love how he simply assumes that people buy these things in order to show up other people. I dunno about you, but the specs on some of these rolling hotels are shittingly impressive. It's a way to travel to a precise and determined degree of comfort and convienience. But it doesn't really matter...it's their fucking money to spend so leave them alone.

"We believe in having a good time," says one of these elite road warriors. Another exulted that "I had an airplane, boats, and two motorcycles. But this is the ultimate."

Certainly not to Hightower. You damn "elitists"! How dare you want to have a good time and pay for it on your own with the money you've earned. Shit, I never knew buying things I liked was a bad thing. Should I the remains of my paycheck (post-tax raping, of course) to a local charity? I certainly don't NEED the one or two CDs or DVDs I wish I could own.

Asshole.

Of course, class seeks its own level, so these nomads are not going to hang out with the Gulfstream crowd. Instead, they join such groups as the Royale Coach Club, restricted to members owning RVs priced above $800,000. They might share the road ... but not the same space.

You're an idiot, Hightower. Here are the membership requirements to get in the Royale club:

Ownership of a Royale Coach, FMCA membership, and paid Royale Coach Club dues. The initiation fee is $25.00 plus $10.00 a year dues. Dues are payable every January.

The cost of the vehicle, the FMCA membership, and $10 a year. You'd almost expect from his bitching that these people would demand a quart of blood of a dozen local homeless, the employee 401(k)s from the company they chair/own/crack-the-whip-at, and the heads of five endangered species from your state.

It really bothers me that there are people out there who harbor these feelings towards others. It's either sheer jealousy or some kind of smug anger directed at those who hold their self-interest higher than some knee-jerk altruistic coercive desire to hold everyone down to an arbitrary wealth level. If only that would mean the end of Hightower's column...

Posted by Drizzten at November 11, 2002 10:33 PM