Regulate Me!

John M. Rosenberg is confused and concerned

Last Thursday's edition of the Capitol Hill newspaper Roll Call contains an article with a dozen handy tips for helping those working in the U.S. Congress through the emotional stress and anxiety associated with the as-yet-unsolved series of sniper shootings in the Washington area. Suggestions include: Keep a journal; structure your time and keep busy; realize that those around you are under stress; maintain a healthy diet and exercise routine; relax and do things that feel good; don't label yourself crazy or weak.

Mr. Rosenberg should pay attention to the last one. Because he's about to portray himself as both in a second.

Glaringly absent though -- in Congress, in the newspapers or on television since the killings began -- has been any discussion of gun control.

Allow me to enlighten you.

Reuters, Sun Oct 13: "Sniper Shootings Spur Gun Control Debate"
Washington Post EDITORIAL, Thu Oct 10: " 'One Shot, One Kill' "
Washington Post, Fri Oct 11: "Townsend Raises Gun Issue In New Ad"
New York Times Opinion, Oct 13: "Wars of Nerves"

Found them after a brief jaunt through the Net. Those are only major media outlets. It goes without saying that the second-tier press and individual opinion outlets jumped on this issue immediately. Spare us with the "WE AREN'T HAVING A DEBATE MAN!!!" bleating. It sounds all too familiar.

Remember how reflexively, in the past, came the loud cries for stiffer gun legislation after each high-profile shooting incident: the assassination attempts upon Presidents Gerald Ford and Ronald Reagan, the murder of John Lennon, the massacre at the McDonald's restaurant in San Ysidro, Calif., Columbine, and so forth? But today there is nary a word, despite the fact that these shootings are taking place in the nation's capital.

I know. It rocks. Maybe more people are realizing it is better to let people take responsibility for their actions so they can choose how to run their own lives. Of course, if you sympathize with Mr. Rosenberg, you just may wish for knee-jerk insta-condemnation and not act rationally.

I was in Luanda, Angola, not long ago, a place where the homicide rate makes metropolitan Washington's appear like that of a Midwestern farming community. Even there, a strange sort of acclimation to the danger sets in.

Is it like listening to the same idiocy over and over again in regards to the Left's typical position of gun control? Could explain the silence on the gun control issue at the moment. It'd certainly explain why I can tune out repetitive nonsense. Repetition until willful indifference. Like living next to IH-35 and suddenly wondering why it's been so long since you've heard the thousands of automobiles blaring, screeching, honking, and weaving a few yards away. Hrm. Odd notion, that.

Today, as it was during its reign as murder capital of the United States, most shooting deaths in Washington occur up close and personal, the result of a flood of inexpensive, unregulated handguns.

Sentient 'Flood' of Guns Kill Hundreds

"It pointed itself at me and emptied it's magazine!"

Wed Oct 16, 9:03 AM CT

By Charles Hueter, Bullshit Inquirer

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Drizzten.com) - Finally, the "root causes" of gun violence have been uncovered.

"Today, as it was during its reign as murder capital of the United States, most shooting deaths in Washington occur up close and personal, the result of a flood of inexpensive, unregulated handguns," says John M. Rosenberg, a political and foreign affairs writer.

The news shocked politicians and citizens around the globe. Previous theories had put forth that inorganic objects were incapable of thought and life. Scientists immediately convened, formally and firmly stating their belief that "dead stuff" can't act on it's own and requires a human will to use it in order for it to have a purpose and effect.

"Has this guy ever been in school? Did he take any science classes?" asked a confused chemist, who wished to remain anonymous. He wondered why Rosenberg didn't want to blame the criminals behind the firearm homicides. "I don't like arson, but I'd never ask Congress to ban or restrict Bic lighters."

Rosenberg's announcement was greeted with cries of joy from Democrats, who wish to legislate their way to a safer nation.

"He's on the right track, " burped Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy. Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle chimed in: "I don't think there's any question that it's important for us to review all of those laws and find ways to ensure that law enforcement has every tool available to them. If those guns are rational -- and I caution that we are far too early into this subject to tell -- then it seems reasonable we do all we can to protect our children, elderly, voters, and lawyers from sentient gun violence."

Opponents of gun control rallied to oppose this new line of thought.

"What, is this guy a jack-ass or something?" queried Charlton Heston, president of the Nation Rifle Association. "I don't recall my .308 Winchester ever aiming itself at me. Hell, I'd love it if the damn thing would clean itself every now and then."

...

*cough*

With gasoline-soaked cat litter crunching beneath my feet, standing in this luminous island of light beneath the bug encrusted fluorescents of the gas station canopy, I couldn't rid myself of the sensation of being in the killer's cross hairs. To avoid becoming a stationary target -- just standing there at the pump, I nervously went about picking the wet leaves off from my car.

Betcha wish you had a way to defend yourself if a shooter missed or you detected him, eh? Maybe not. Perhaps you'd rather rely on the police, who are already over-extended and minutes away...and you may not have minutes to spare after being shot. Think about it. Guns are not an instant crime deterrant, nor do they prevent people from getting hurt by simply being there. They must be used safely, effectively, and responsibly.

No one that I've heard while listening and talking to the general public has brought this subject up either.

"Gentlemen, this fellow exhibits symptoms of being...'Out of Touch.' "

"Ohhh..."

Posted by Drizzten at October 16, 2002 09:28 AM